Two years ago today (at 11 PM to be precise) I gave birth to an 8 lb 3 oz little bundle of miracle. He was our first child and nothing could explain the feeling of seeing a little person that had been incubated inside of you for nearly 40 weeks...make their debut to the outside world. It's like you prepare and prepare for it and think..'oh my gosh I'm gonna love them so much'..but no matter how prepared you are to love them so greatly...you love them even more than that. Something that seems humanly impossible for the emotions...like experiencing a rush of just pure adoration and humbleness when you see what God has given you and blessed you with. Its you, and the person you love the most (in Earthly definition) and a little pinch of love ..and bam.. the miracle of life. The beauty of a creation that only a woman can produce..carry and keep warm and safe.
I felt like the most important person in the world while pregnant, because I knew how important the fragile package inside me was. I did my best to make healthy choices like completely cutting out caffeine and only drinking water and sprite..and eating a lot of nutrient rich foods. I wasn't perfect, oh no, but I did my best which our best always counts as the best for us as individuals right? So I can give you the details of this wonderful day if you are still interested in reading further....
Two years ago on this day we were frantically trying to finish up the remodel of our 14X70 single wide trailer in order to ready it for little man's arrival. My parents whom had helped us the whole time (from the time we bought it in March that year) till then was pitching in this day and my husband's mother had came out that morning to lend a hand. I had felt "out of sorts" the whole day before..no pain, no contractions...just 'funny'. My sister pointed out how weirdly quiet I had been, which was true, I was withdrawn and to myself. I spend the whole day of the 6th putting Dillon's clothes in the closet of his room and the next morning was no different. We didn't even have our bedroom furniture over yet..so we were running behind by the evening of the 7th but still actually had two weeks left of pregnancy since I was in my 38th week.
Anyways..we made our way over here late...hence getting a late start.. We weren't here long when my mother in law asked me if I was feeling okay. I replied that I felt weird but couldn't explain how..but that I did notice a lot of "watery discharge" and (eww for one) but ladies, you know what I'm talking about here..so I wont go further in detail. So she suggested I call my midwife and tell her my symptoms and see what she suggested. My regular midwife wasn't on duty that day..and a midwife who I knew but never had "seen" was the on call for the day...I felt weird not being able to have my doctor who I'd established a relationship with and trust in...but she said sounds like instead of my water bag 'bursting' it had a leak and was common and to come in right away.
So that's what we did...went home and packed up some things and made our way merrily to the hospital. I was admitted immediately and a nurse was in to 'check' me and they put some fluid on a little strip of paper which proceeded to turn blue and said "Well, you're in labor!"...Wow. I as stunned because I just KNEW I would go all the way there for a false alarm...so my husband and I gave each other that OH MY GOSH, WE'RE GONNA BE PARENTS SOON! look and they gave me a gown to wear. Once hooked up to all the equipment they said they needed to put an IV in. I HAD to ask why because I had planned on a full natural birth..one where I had no drugs and could walk around, sit on the birthing ball or in the tub..but since I had a 'slow leak' and they didn't know how long they said there was chance of infection so they needed to run some antibiotics into my system for mine and Dillon's safety. Couldn't argue with that.
But it did take it's toll. I wanted to get up because lying there was KILLING me. After an hour of little to no "regular labor" contractions on the monitor they decided to start me on pitocin (oh, fun!). I knew that stuff was working immediately..because I was in CRAZY pain. The midwife on call .. let me tell ya...was the GREATEST doctor I had ever had...EVER. She was in my room it seemed liked the whole time my labor progressed and held my hand..helped me breathe..encouraged me to go on with no epidural and so on. But after a while the pitocin was causing me to have a "constant contraction" meaning no "down time" for me..so no rest in between..just constant pain. So they turned it off to see if my body would pick up on it's own. Nothing. It was frustrating for me and I was becoming exhausted.
So I checked in around 1 and by about 8 they had kicked the pitocin back on..I was dilated 2 CM when I got there and had not progressed AT ALL in five hours. They did everything they could to get my labor progressing but nothing was working. I asked if I could have some pain suppressants and she suggested Stadol which they injected into your IV so it would take the 'edge' off. I went to sleep shortly after they did that...and when I woke up I found my midwife discussing chances of cesarean section to my Mom...and then I had an OB come in and explain to me that that may the route taken since my labor was going nowhere. So I suffered another couple hours until about 10:30...was checked one last time and nothing still! (And at that point the nurse assured me my child was bald ..and I just could NOT believe it with all the heartburn I had during pregnancy)..But the OB and midwife came in and asked if I wanted to proceed to wait on labor progression or to opt out for a cesarean..I immediately knew I wanted a c-section.
I went in with that being the LAST thing I wanted, but at that point with 10 hours of labor and no progression and extreme exhaustion I was ready to get my baby boy into the world. So I was taken to the surgery room..which was freezing..and giving a spinal to numb the body quickly. My husband stood at my head along with my midwife and I was determined to see my baby and not be sedated before. I started shaking violently..not from cold and I couldn't feel pain but my midwife explained that the medication and the trauma that was going on with my body caused shaking like that so my husband had to hold my arm down and the nurse asked if I wanted to be sedated. I refused saying I had to see him first. I asked the midwife to tell me when they started the surgery and she replied with 'oh hunney they're already halfway done, he's almost out!' And withing the next 30 seconds the most angelic face popped over the partition and those chubby cheeks and HEAD FULL OF HAIR just absolutely melted me.
I was in love and the next thing I knew I was sedated and out. Within the hour I was in recovery very stiff and sore but sooo relieved to finally be holding my baby in my arms. He was a sight for sore eyes and exhausted body but nonetheless well worth it all. I went home two days later and stayed with my Mom a few nights and made our way into our home eventually. Now we are settled and enjoying this little boy of ours to it's fullest.
He has surprised me with his looks and personality and attitude. He amazes me with his capacity to learn. He had his days and nights mixed up when he was born but after we got it straightened out we were easy peasy..and he started sleeping through the night at around four months. (YES! FOUR MONTHS! I was blessed with a hard core night sleeper) He has always slept good at night and continues to. He started walking at 10 months and crawled at around 7. He got his first tooth at four months and had them all by age one. Today he is a spit fire and full of energy. He is 100% boy and full of love and admiration for his Mommy and Daddy. I couldn't ask for a better little boy to fill our lives with. He's so good and so compassionate and I've been told by so many people that his eyes are the most beautiful eyes they've ever seen..his long full eyelashes attribute to it. Also I've been told that his eyes were special..and that he was going to be something/someone great..just because you can read it in his eyes. And I believe it.
For a two year old boy he is ridiculously smart, is so loving and kind and caring and can comprehend so much! He has so much capacity. But with all that goodness comes attitude and bratiness because he can have a temper and can get impatient and wreck less. But we are doing our best as parents to instill good qualities in him..and good manners. We will teach him to work for what he wants and never to depend on anyone. And most importantly we are raising him in Church with God. We don't make it every Sunday or Tuesday (yes, our church has Tuesday night service instead of Wednesday) but we still instill knowledge in him that God is good and Jesus loves him.
I wouldn't trade my life or the past two years for anything in the world. I would do it all again to get to where I am now. I am satisfied with the choices I made and can sleep with them. We are huge believers in family and sticking together and standing up for what is right. I am so close to my family and my husband is so close to his as well and I think it's so great we both have solid relationships to family so that Dillon has those values instilled in him too. We will do any and everything to protect him for the harsh realities that is the world..but we won't shelter him from it and make him fearful. He is a piece of our hearts walking around outside of us and we truly do believe that God could give no better gift than a child, this child. So we give thanks everyday for him and hope that he lives a long, healthy and prosperous life and we will do our best to give him the things he deserves.
So to my wonderful, sweet, kind, caring, handsome, loving boy. Momma loves you with all her heart. You made me the woman I am today and have taught me so much. I am better because of you..I am kinder..more patient and less angry and see more humor in things. You will be a great man someday...I will bet on it. And Daddy..although he isn't mushy and "soft" as he says..loves you unconditionally. He would do anything for you..go anywhere and sacrifice anything. Watching you two together makes everything else bad disappear and I could not ask for a better man to be your Daddy. You and him will have a good relationship, I can tell, and he just can't wait until you can hunt, fish and ride with him. I am proud of you both, always. And I will love you forever and will be here when the world shuts you our or you feel alone. You are my heart, soul, blood, sweat and tears and I love you. Love, Mommy.